Feeling Bitchy! Watch Out!

Rajrupa GuptaMusing1 Comment

Feeling BitchyThat momentous moment. The last post of the year. What do I write about? You know, a bang-on closure that magically brightens my otherwise lackluster year of blogging? Should I write how grateful I am for everything in my kickass life or kick some asses? Be a bitch, perhaps? After all, I spent my year being nice to people, even mean people. As the year ends, I deserve to put my feet up and drink a glass of wine. And as you know, drinking loosens the tongue! So here it goes. If you think I am talking about you (because yeah, this may get personal), please consider it as drunken chatter and forget. I promise I will be nice to you again when I am sober, tomorrow maybe? Or perhaps after the New Year?

Hey, you? Grow a spine. If you can’t then grow a tail that you can wag. Don’t be a spineless human or a tail less dog. Have some dignity, man! A little bit of self respect never hurts, you know? If you have such an inexhaustible supply of butter, why don’t you give me some instead of applying it in the most inappropriate of places? I eat a lot of butter, on rotis, on breads, and in my cookies and cakes. I could definitely use some. Also stop stealing others’ ideas, dude! That is not cool at all. How do you look yourself in the eye? Do you at all look yourself in the eye? Yeah, I guessed. Never mind. Stop slithering, walk! It will not only give you some exercise, but make you strong also. And for God’s sake stop wearing that orange shirt with brown elbow patch!

Ma’am? Yes I am talking to you! Can you tell me one good reason why boycotting Snapdeal because Aamir Khan endorsed it a good idea? Trust me I have pondered long on this, scratched my scalp, pulled my hair out. Yet I don’t know what made you back the idea to boycott Snapdeal! And how ingenious it was of you to come up with something like this! Wow! Such a creative mind going to such waste.

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And mister, did it ever occur to you that you may have belonged to an older era? Say maybe of the fossils, when they were alive that is? I wonder how did you come to think that a woman’s rightful place was within the home. And that no matter how much successful she may become at work, she will never be truly a woman unless she also does everything at home herself! And did you know you smell? Bad, really bad! Why don’t you go back to where you belong and give us a rest from your nonstop acidic and loud belching? Are you sure your wife is not slow poisoning you?

Oye! Do you fancy yourself a Hitler? You seem really inspired by Muhammad-Bin-Tughlaq too! Seems fitting. At least it provides sort of a definition of your insanity! And I heard that Muppets is your favorite show? Is it true? I guess that makes sense too! After all, you like to keep humanoid puppets, chopping them off as soon as they start to show some human intelligence! Power is a seductress, a very cunning one, don’t you think? It’s got the capability to bring out the worst in everybody. Only the worst, in your case, is ugly, very very ugly. Rotten, oozing and full of vile insects wearing shrewd glasses. If only you knew how many people are plotting murders against you. But no, you don’t have the ability to see past the green fume of the lure of autocracy. You are so power drunk. I hate you so much that I almost feel sorry for you! Keep sending yourself to the slow grave you are digging for yourself – you will save the lot of us the trouble of having to kill you!


Hah! There! I feel better already, now that the venom is out! How is that for a last post of the year? Too negative and bitchy? Let it be. It is a good time to meet the person inside me! And being the nice person I have been, I have to give that bitchy nagging voice inside my head a space to vent. Otherwise who knows, it may go off the rocker and lose it completely in the most inappropriate of places!

So that’s that. That momentous moment. Hopefully next year I will find more time to spend with the person inside me. Hope you all will have a wonderful rest of the year. Eat, drink, be merry. I will totally try. And if I don’t see these people or hear from them during the next two weeks, I may even bake a cake!

One Comment on “Feeling Bitchy! Watch Out!”

  1. You are pretty coherent for being bitchy! Loved it… It’s better to let the venom out, than bottle it up inside… especially when they deserve it. Some people just don’t deserve your goodness. Awesome post 🙂

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