Fiction,  Humor

Three Fallen Angels and the Theory of Everything Bong!

Once upon a time, long long ago, there lived three beautiful angels on earth. Earth, because they were banished from Heaven because God was displeased with them. What was wrong, you ask? Well!

One of them loved arguments! He took great pride in his ability to present well constructed arguments with great details. He seized half opportunities and launched himself at others (just verbally, violence was strictly forbidden for angels), and did not stop until he had made the other party squirm. He always had the last say in any argument. There was no argument he lost. He had an opinion on everything and he never failed to offer it even when it was unwanted. He knew it all – he was the intellectual. His name was Geeky. All the gods, godlings and other angels lived in the perpetual fear of crossing paths with Geeky. But the more they avoided him, the more he itched to create an argument.

The second one smoked. Boy! Was there ever a greater Smoker! I am not exaggerating at all, he gave a complex even to lord Shiva when it came to smoking pots. In fact, the people of earth often mistook the black smoke from his weed as rain filled clouds. They sang and danced and filmed to welcome the rain that never existed in the first place. They knew him as Smoky.

The third one had a special relationship with food. The texture, the flavors, the aroma, the rich colors and most of all the taste – food to him, was the greatest seductress. Everyone called him Foody. Sometimes, in his mind (he never spoke it out loud, he didn’t dare), Foody worshipped food more than God himself! Not only did he love food, he loved to make them too. And quite often, whenever he made something new, he invited all the godly creatures in heaven to his home for a meal.

Everything was well. The heaven was peaceful. Everyone was happy. But then one day it happened! The day when it all went wrong for these three angels. The day they could never forget.

As the morning dawned on the fateful Summer day, Smoky received a large delivery of opium. He kept the leaves for himself but gave the seeds to Foody. He knew that Foody knew how to cook them. And he was hoping for a free tasty home-cooked meal.

Foody was delighted to receive such a large amount of Poppy seeds. He loved them. He soaked the seeds in water and then spent the morning inviting the whole of divinity to his house for a treat of rice, urad dal and aloo-posto.

On a hot summer day like this one, this was a perfect lunch menu. The entirety of heaven came together that day at Foody’s home. It was a party! Of eating and merry making. Many burped with satisfaction after they licked the plates clean. Foody’s food was delicious. A few of them even indulged themselves with a puff or two of Smoker’s opium afterwards. Smoky and Foody were both very happy. After all, it was not everyday that all the big shots in Heaven came to your home or smoked a shared pot with you!

Geeky, on the other hand, was not happy at all! He had a burning suspicion that people were avoiding him. The moment he tried to get into discussions, groups were scattering. Even though they had various explanations why they absolutely had to go and how they regretted leaving, Geeky wasn’t convinced.

Around 3 in the afternoon, after everyone had gone home, Foody and Smoky sat down, satisfied, with a smoking pot. The party had been a huge hit apart from a sulking Geeky, who was now arguing with himself, sitting alone in the corner, pretending to be two persons, presenting two sides of the argument about whether lord Shiva’s dreadlocks were just for fashion. That was one glitch but other than that guests had eaten every last morsel of food Foody had made. And Smoky had received many discreet orders of opium. It was indeed a day to celebrate.

But they had barely started to relax when Brahma – the God of creation appeared before them. Such was the shock, of seeing him in front of them, that Foody and Smoky forgot speech and also to put the smoking pot out of sight.

The old man rarely ventured out of his lotus seat. Still Foody had gone to invite him to the party too in the morning, just for courtesy purpose. But was refused entry by the doorman because he was taking a Yoga Nap after breakfast.

Now Foody felt a panic. Brahma looked really angry. Perhaps he should have waited at his Lotus residence for him to wake up and return only after he had invited him.  Now he must have felt humiliated after not receiving invitation to his lunch party!

But when Brahma spoke, it was beyond Foody could have ever imagined. Apparently after such a sumptuous meal the entire heaven’s population felt it impossible to ignore the urge to take a nap. The entire heaven! Even those who were on earth duty fell asleep after reaching their home. Seizing the opportunity to their advantage the spooks from Hell ran havoc on earth bothering the poor humans out of their mortal lives. Such was the chaos that lord Brahma had no choice but to wake up from his meditated sleep while the entire heaven slept on.

Both Foody and Smoky felt sorry for what they had done, and started to apologize. But before they could appease Brahma with their apology, Geeky stepped in. Geeky told lord Brahma in clear tough tone that he failed to understand why Smoky and Foody were being blamed for something they didn’t do. It should have been the respective gods’ responsibilities to take care not to fall asleep. Such was the ferocity of his argument that Foody and Smoky began to wonder why they were sorry at first. Such was the ferocity of his argument that even lord Brahma crouched for a moment.

But just when these three angels’ victory over lord Brahma seemed imminent, just when they could taste the triumph, Brahma played his card: he cursed these three to earth! They were to clean up the mess the spooks had created and restore peace on earth. With that lord Brahma went back to his residence to resume his yoga nidra.

And such curses, everyone knew, were one directional and could never be taken back. These three ill-fated fellows had no other option than to live among mortals until everything was back to normal.

And that was that really! These three fallen angels could never quite restore order on earth, what with their unfortunate indulgences! And so they could not return to heaven. They however mingled with the mortal population and created a whole new race – angelic but with three unfortunate habits: obsessive argumentativeness, addiction to smoking and passion for food.

Today the rest of the world knows this race of mortals as: Bengali.

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